Old-school humor

Gee willikers, can’t a guy catch a break?

Photo by yerling villalobos on Unsplash

Those little smartwatches are a marvel of technological achievement, but every once in a while they get things awfully wrong. That’s what I’ve been telling my wife all along and she still doesn’t believe me!

A minor mistake in reading your old and tired heart and it starts vibrating like crazy. Here are a few times my dumbwatch has vibrated on me out of nowhere now that I’m getting up there in age.

Walking up the stairs

Imagine that! You know when you get to an age when your knees ache and a flight of stairs takes your breath away…


And is still in line waiting for the American Dream

Photo by Fabian Fauth on Unsplash

This is the story of an immigrant (me!) who did everything right, checked all the legal requirements, and for whom obviously everything went super smoothly! And if I could do it, then of course, everybody can!!!

This is honestly just a rant. But I’m fucking spent.

Upon arrival in the U.S. ten years ago to a public college, I thought I might one day make the American Dream a reality. I was smart (full ride academic scholarship), I was outgoing (took me no time to fit in), and I was hardworking (my first internship was unpaid, but I still managed…


But then again, how much hastagtivism do we actually need?

Photo by Sara Kurfeß on Unsplash

Every time I go on Twitter I see a new trending topic disguised as a wave of moral outrage. And believe me, I am aware that there are many wrongs in the world.

Racial disparities continue to claim lives (not to mention perpetuate a de facto cast system via limited economic opportunities). Gender violence has gone up in a year and change when people had to stay home, at times with their abuser. Easy access to guns and limited access to mental health counseling leaves the door wide open for mass murder, and we act surprised when it happens again…


Impeach 45. It’s the logical thing to do.

Photo by Ian Hutchinson on Unsplash

There are several legal and moral reasons why the 45th President of the United States should be impeached. All Democrats and Independents are fully aware of them, and I’m sure those reasons will be discussed during the trial. I am here not to discuss those, but rather to discuss the three practical reasons why every Republican Senator should vote to impeach the former president.

  1. It will be good for you. The vote ahead is to impeach a president who is no longer serving. This means that the downside is limited (he no longer has a state-sponsored bullhorn) and the upside…

An old Millennial’s take on a new(ish) Gen Z TikTok thingy

Photo by Griffin Wooldridge on Unsplash

At the foot of the mountains, at home I stay, by the brinny shores of the Great Salt Lake

Wearing masks to stay safe, trynna avoid the plague, it blows how bad Covid blows

Soon may the Dasher come

To bring Chipotle, some chips and guac

One day vaccines may come, we’ll take our shots and go

Still stuck in my house, it’s been over ten months, I’ve binged all of Netflix even HBO Max

Have you ever noticed how much winter sucks, it blows how bad Covid blows

Soon may the Dasher come

Bring me chicken and waffles, mimosas…


Photo by RetroSupply on Unsplash

Please submit by the last day of the month at 11:59 p.m.

Salt Flats is the Medium publication of the Salt City Genre Writers. The SCGW is a chapter of the Utah League of Writers, and submission to this publication is open only to active members. Click on those links to join or renew your membership.

How to submit a piece to Salt Flats:

Salt Flats accepts essays, poems, or flash fiction stories of 1,000 words or fewer related to the theme chosen the editor. Ask in the Discord channel #mediumpublication about this month’s theme. You must submit your piece…


A follow-up book to a children’s favorite about good manners!

Photo by Darren Halstead on Unsplash

Hey! Did you you miss Part 1? That’s ok, I just said it was inspired by an old Simpsons’ episode. So here we go again, below just a few examples of what not to do. Read it to your kid when they’re being extra shitty, it’s bound to make you both feel better about yourselves.

I would like you to do us a favor though because our country has been through a lot and Ukraine knows a lot about it. Donny, July 2019

No, Donny, don’t! When an ally thanks you for your support you don’t hold that as a…


Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

Did you all hear what the FDA said? THE PANDEMIC IS OVER!!! A vaccine has been approved and there is LITERALLY nothing else we need to do to move on from what’s made this year a poopy hellhole of a dumpster fire. And I don’t know about you, but after 9 months of sweatpants and hairy legs, I’m ready to turn my life around with these seven fun resolutions for 2021!

  1. Lose at least 10 pounds: Working from home and living off of Doordash has given me a new Pandemic Panza (that’s Spanish for belly — thanks Duolingo!) And since…

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

“Oh, you should have seen us, it was like Christmas and Thanksgiving combined!” She says as she clicks and wets her lips.

She does this more as a tick than a reaction to her own story. Her lips are almost always dry, covering her teeth, and when she clicks her tongue, it barely even approaches the outside of her mouth before retreating.

My great-grandmother, at 96 years old, is still surprisingly lucid and turns out to be a trove of knowledge. …

Sebastian SD

From SCZ, Bolivia. Now in SLC, Utah. Here to read, write, and complain (in that order). I write fiction, humor, and some essays.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store