Drink to People Yelling on TV

NEW AND IMPROVED Democratic Debate Drinking Game!

He’s getting too old for this shit

Drink once if:

  • Joe Biden stumbles on his words (or just stumbles walking to the podium)
  • Tom Steyer gets asked a question
  • Andrew Yang says he’s an Asian guy who likes Math (NEEEEERD!)
  • PetAmy ButtBouchard gives some bullshit speech about unity (drink twice if it includes an appeal to Midwestern voters)
  • Kamala Harris tries a well-rehearsed zinger. It doesn’t land.
  • Tulsi Gabbard says, those Russian guys? They ain’t that bad
  • Elizabeth Warren brings up a good plan. Grandpa Sanders yells it louder, gets more applause.

Drink twice if:

  • Joe Biden tells a story about his racially diverse swimming pool days
  • Hipster Tom Steyer says he wanted to impeach Trump before it was cool
  • Warren reminds you that Tom Steyer is a billionaire
  • Andrew Yang offers you $1,000 to vote for him
  • You remember Corey Booker is on stage
  • Kamala Harris reminds you that, that girl… it was her
  • PetAmy ButtBouchard says they have really bold progressive ideas (which don’t involve solving the healthcare crisis in America)

Shot, shot, shot!

  • Joe Biden asks you to send a tweetsnaptagram to his website: 3-0… 3-3-0?
  • Kamala Harris says she doesn’t just want to impeach Trump. She wants to parade him naked around D.C. while she walks behind him with a cowbell chanting “shame” as people throw shit at him
  • Corey Booker pulls a Marianne Wilson and calls for the power of love to conquer all. He then smokes a doobie on stage.
  • Elizabeth Warren solves the Riemann hypothesis. She gets called an elitist for being a math nerd. (Yang left the stage 20 minutes ago)
  • You realize Bernie Sanders wasn’t on stage, it was Larry David all along!

Fuck it, chug a damn Jagermeister

IF GODDAMN MICHAEL BLOOMBERG JUMPS ON THE FUCKING STAGE!!!

From SCZ, Bolivia. Now in SLC, Utah. Here to read, write, and complain (in that order). I write fiction, humor, and some essays.

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