Drink to People Yelling on TV

NEW AND IMPROVED Democratic Debate Drinking Game!

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He’s getting too old for this shit

It feels like there have been 137 debates already. Almost one for every candidate that started this race. And to be fair, we had our fun. But as the race keeps going (there’s still one more year of this?!?), most people need a little boost to continue caring. What’s better than a good ol’ fashion drinking game? Here are a few ways to spice up the upcoming Debate Night in Hotlanta.

Drink once if:

  • Joe Biden stumbles on his words (or just stumbles walking to the podium)
  • Tom Steyer gets asked a question
  • Andrew Yang says he’s an Asian guy who likes Math (NEEEEERD!)
  • PetAmy ButtBouchard gives some bullshit speech about unity (drink twice if it includes an appeal to Midwestern voters)
  • Kamala Harris tries a well-rehearsed zinger. It doesn’t land.
  • Tulsi Gabbard says, those Russian guys? They ain’t that bad
  • Elizabeth Warren brings up a good plan. Grandpa Sanders yells it louder, gets more applause.

Drink twice if:

  • Joe Biden tells a story about his racially diverse swimming pool days
  • Hipster Tom Steyer says he wanted to impeach Trump before it was cool
  • Warren reminds you that Tom Steyer is a billionaire
  • Andrew Yang offers you $1,000 to vote for him
  • You remember Corey Booker is on stage
  • Kamala Harris reminds you that, that girl… it was her
  • PetAmy ButtBouchard says they have really bold progressive ideas (which don’t involve solving the healthcare crisis in America)

Shot, shot, shot!

  • Joe Biden asks you to send a tweetsnaptagram to his website: 3-0… 3-3-0?
  • Kamala Harris says she doesn’t just want to impeach Trump. She wants to parade him naked around D.C. while she walks behind him with a cowbell chanting “shame” as people throw shit at him
  • Corey Booker pulls a Marianne Wilson and calls for the power of love to conquer all. He then smokes a doobie on stage.
  • Elizabeth Warren solves the Riemann hypothesis. She gets called an elitist for being a math nerd. (Yang left the stage 20 minutes ago)
  • You realize Bernie Sanders wasn’t on stage, it was Larry David all along!

Fuck it, chug a damn Jagermeister

IF GODDAMN MICHAEL BLOOMBERG JUMPS ON THE FUCKING STAGE!!!

From SCZ, Bolivia. Now in SLC, Utah. Here to read, write, and complain (in that order). I write fiction, humor, and some essays.

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