First Dem Debate Drinking Game of the Decade!

Try saying that five times fast

“I’m not really good at this stuff” — Joe Biden, probably


  • Joe Biden wakes up in the middle of his own sentence.
  • Pete Buttigieg and Elizabeth Warren bicker about who’s more elitist. (Trick question, they both are!)
  • CNN throws to some Twetsnaptagram audience question, and it’s clear they spent way more time on the graphics than vetting the questions.
  • Bernie Sanders throws the woman, err… Elizabeth Warren under the bus.
  • They all compare the Iran situation to Iraq in the Bush years. You are quickly reminded half of them voted in favor of that war.
  • Tom Steyer says he will stop climate change (sir, the question was about immigration reform).
  • You get a Michael Bloomberg commercial during the first ad break. Let’s face it, and all other ad breaks really.
  • A candidate (really, any of ’em) fails to give a convincing answer when asked how they plan to appeal to a diverse demographic.

One shot, two shots, three shots, FLOOR

  • Buttigieg tells you why running a town smaller than a Kansas City suburb qualifies him to be the president of 340 million people.
  • Biden forgets Obama’s first name when he’s reminding you they’re friends.
  • One of Bernie’s jokes fails to land. The music from Curb Your Enthusiasm starts playing as they zoom in on him.
  • You realize the author wrote this stupid thing drunk.
  • Warren perfectly lands a well-rehearsed zinger. Crickets. Trump tweets an insult about her with 15words and 17 typos. 23K retweets, 48K likes.

Just puke already

  • Tulsi Gabbard shows up (uninvited mind you, like me at most weddings) and warns you about pissing Russia off with this Iran shenanigans.
  • The #YangGang hacks CNN/the DNC and plays some shitty nerd memes on your TV.
  • You are actually watching this shit on TV.
  • Amy Klobuchar. AMY FUCKING KLOBUCHAR!!! That’s it, that’s the tweet.

From SCZ, Bolivia. Now in SLC, Utah. Here to read, write, and complain (in that order). I write fiction, humor, and some essays.

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