Just read your piece in Slackjaw, thought it was funny and liked your voice. Went to your profile and I found this. Not very funny. Same great voice.
See my profile? I am a glorified accountant (finance analyst, but who cares), my life is spent in a box 8 hours a day too (technically, I’m working right now). I am 29, so I have a few years in this Sisyphean system on you. I know that this were rambling thoughts, a pressure valve let open to relieve tension, I know you weren’t looking for advice. And yet, here I am.
The bad news: “it” doesn’t get better. The good news? You get better. You get better at appreciating that which you do have, at seizing the small victories, at letting go off the past and not punishing yourself for the road not taken. You get better at choosing your priorities (and that may mean choosing to leave it all and go to Italy because your main priority is a happy relationship, because who knows!). You do get better at taking risks and doing that which you want to do, if it is what you prioritize. You get better at life.
Of course, that doesn’t ‘just happen’, you have to work on it. One step is to find a place to vent your frustrations and people to talk about this with. You have the first step covered, I’m sure your boyfriend/family have ears for you. You have to think about what are your priorities, what you need to do to fulfill those. You have to learn to be kinder to yourself, to appreciate the small things. And it takes practice. But practice makes you better.
Is there an end to shitty days and feeling like a cog in the machine? I haven’t been around this earth long enough, but my gut says no. Is a random dude on Medium or a mother’s kindly ear replacement for a therapist if you need it? Absolutely not. But every little thing does make you better.
I’ve been writing in one shape or form since I was seven, so I’ve been writing for the entirety of your life. You’re still a much better writer than I am. And you’re a biologist. And working at a tech company in Silicon Valley (which in itself is an achievement, don’t demerit that). I don’t know you, but I can say: you’ve got this. Things may or may not get better, but you will. You got this.
Idk, maybe I shouldn’t have written all this shit, but your stuff struck a chord with me. I was you a few years ago. I still am, to be honest. But better than before. Here’s to all of us being better.